kids.... they're always good for a laugh

So, I just wanted to write down a few things that have happened in the last little while that I thought were so funny, and I wanted to get them down somewhere, so that I can remember...

The first was a few weeks ago, when my niece Aspyn was here playing w/the boys. (she's almost 3 btw) well, Gav has been going through a phase where he pushes, and picks on everyone, and it was no different w/Aspyn. so anyway, they were in the hallway playing, and Gav punched her, so she slapped him twice, and kissed him on the cheek. he didn't really know what to do, so they just skipped off, hand in hand, and went to play in the bedroom :) ahh, it was so freaking hilarious. it cracks me up the way she keeps him in check. she's such a doll :)

Ok the second was earlier this week, when Jer found a little turd in Gav's undies, and he asked him what it was. Gavin's answer: "Brody did it dad" Jerime: "brody pooped in your underware?" Gav "mmhmm, Brody did it! my poop in the toyet daddy, brody poop in mine's underware." bahahahaha funny.

kids just say the darnest things! :)

so ready!!

ahh, so this is going to be a quick post, but I just wanted to say that I am SOOOO SOOO sick of living in Idaho!!!!! I keep wondering why in the hell we still live here, and seriously, I'm over it! especially on the days when I'm outside shoveling snow, in and it's -20 degrees out side :( I'm ready for something and somewhere new, and different, and WARM! I'm ready to win my millions, and travel the world. Ready to explore, see the ocean (for the first time, and beyond) ride on an airplane (also for the first time, and how awesome would it be to charter a private plane and not have to deal w/airport security?!) ahh..... I'm just READY!!!! I want to go on a REAL damn vacation, not a trip somewhere because someone died, and we have to go to the funeral, and not going to visit family for a holiday either. a real vacation, where we just go somewhere just because we want to go, and do something fun. I want to take my kids to a real Zoo, not the lame ass zoo here, where the most exotic animal you see is a camel, who looks miserable, and sad in a tiny little exibit. but an awesome huge zoo, that has everything, and takes most of the day to see it all. My kids seem to behave so much better when we're out, and around people, instead of sitting on our asses all day long, watching tv! Typically I don't mind TV so much, but when it's ALL that we do, and it's all day every freaking day... it's just too much for me, and I'm a bitch all the time :( ugh... I'm just ready for a serious, real, and lasting change! Hopefully it'll all be for the better, and come soon!!

reminding me again

So earlier this afternoon, I was starting a post about how I just needed a change, and that I just didn't know what it was, when my sweet hubby came in (amidst my sobbing) and told me I needed to take more time for myself. he told me to just go out, go shopping, or whatever I wanted, and just do it for ME. And I was reminded why I married him. I've known for quite a while that I need to take the time for myself, but I guess I get so caught up w/life, and being pissed off at everyone, while blaming them for my unhappiness, when it isn't them. It's just me forgetting that I am a person too, and I have needs, beyond the need to have the dishes done, or house clean. And that I should NEVER feel guilty for taking time out, to recharge my batteries, because it makes me SO much happier, and a much better mother and wife. Makes me wonder how my mom does it, I don't remember EVER seeing my mom do a thing for herself, and yet she doesn't ever seem bitter, or angry. But ya know, I'm begining to realize that in her heart I just don't think she feels like she is worth taking the time for. I don't recall my mom ever doing anything but criticizing herself, no matter how much she does, in her own eyes, I don't think it's ever enough. ahh, I LOVE my mother w/all my heart, but I see how her lack of self esteem has effected me, and my siblings, and I've realized how important it is to have that love of myself, I have a hard time feeling good about being me, but I see my mom (whom I think is one of the most beautiful woman I know, both inside, and out) and I see my kids, who are adorable, and they couldn't have gotten it ALL from their dad, granted he did pitch in some of their good looks, but it had to be at least a little from me too. and I see that I can't be all bad. :) haha ok so I'm not there yet, but it's a start :)

been a while

Well, I know I haven't blogged in a while... there has actually been quite a bit that has happened the past month, hmm... guess my birthday is a good start. My sister and her hubby came to visit this year for my b-day (she went to get time off for the summer to come visit, but couldn't get any scheduled time off till sept, and that was in April) it was SOO much fun! I went to Victor for a day, and just spent time w/my sisters (all except my little sister, cause she's 11 and was in school) It was a BLAST having all 4 of us together at my grandma's house. I don't think we really even did anything special, it was just great to get to sit and visit w/them. Until recently, I had always thought that my oldest sister Michele was so unhappy and grouchy, but after being able to really spend some time w/her (and a day w/just the two of us and our babies) I feel so much different. I get such an amazing energy from my sisters. I miss them! I wish I lived just a little closer. But anyway, it was so great, unfortunatley I didn't take my camera :( so I'm gonna have to get the pics from my sister.



So, a few days after that, was my birthday, and my sister and I spent it shopping hooray! we figured out that we stopped at 19 different places in the 5 hours that we were gone. it was sooo much fun, there are few things I love more than shopping w/my sister, especially when I have money to spend :) we even stopped by the mall to get pics, (you know the little booth photos) the pics look like crap (at least the 'me' half) but they were super fun! :) ahh, lately I've been having a ton of those 'thinking you actually look good, only to see a photo of yourself later, and find you want to cut yourself out of EVERY ONE' kinda times. grr. in my mind I guess I just look alot better than I do in reality :( bummer. but guess I just need to harness that energy into motivation to get into better shape. well on a high note I DID do yoga last night. :) well, I'm sure my kids are gonna be up soon, so I better go get something done.

on my way back to the top :)

Well, after my total melt down earlier today, just thought I'd let ya know that the rest of my day went pretty good. I actually sat down w/the boys, and just played w/them. It made me realize that I couldn't even remember the last time I just played. and it felt GREAT. I know I've been stressing myself out for no good reason (as if there is EVER a good reason to stress) ;) and that I just need to play more, and get outside and run around, so what if we step in dog poo while we're running... better to get a little poo on you, than to stay in the house every day and be crazy. I like to share my crazy w/the world! :) haha.

Thank you so much for always being there for me. This blog really has had such a profound effect on my ability to take a step back, and try to view my life as it is. I'm so greatful to have an outlet, and to know that I have someone who loves me, and cares about me, and is truely everything a best friend should be. Thank you for not judging me, and just loving me for me! girl, you are my savior. Thank you just doesn't even begin to graze the surface of how much I appreciate your friendship :)

another break down....

ahhh, I just don't know how I'm gonna get through another day right now. I started crying, and now I just can't seem to stop. I feel like the worst mother in the world, and honestly pitty my children for getting stuck w/me! I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm so sick of Jerime, he's such an ass! All he cares about is himself, he's constantly playing his stupid fucking video games, yelling at the kids, and making messes that I always end up having to clean. I can't even count the times that I've talked to him about his gaming addiction. but I'm realizing that NOTHING will ever change! at least not on a perminant basis. I get so frustrated, all I ever do is scream, and cuss, and just want to escape my life. something HAS GOT to change in my life, but I feel so helpless.... I know that only I can create my happiness. but I just want to be the most important thing in someones life, I want a man that cares. that thinks about me. Someone who does things for me, just because they want to, because they love me and want me to be happy. I know THAT will never be HIM! He criticizes his brother, and how selfish his brother is, but honestly he's just like his brother. (slightly less negative) but WAAAY too much like him. he frequently makes comments about how I should go to work, and he'll be a stay at home dad, but I couldn't do it. for starters, I KNOW that I'd just end up working all day, to come home to a messy house, and kids that were more and more like him every day. ahh, I know he's not a terrible person, and that I'm FAR from perfect myself. but I just don't feel like he ever tries. I know it's not my place to judge, and that I could be wrong. that maybe he just sees what he chooses to see. but I just don't like the person I am when I'm with him. I feel like it brings out the worst in me. But I love him, I don't wanna be w/anyone else, I need him, and yet most of the time I just can't stand him, and spend hours just resenting him, and my kids for my own shortcommings. I feel helpless, and alone, and I'm just not sure where to go from here........

back into the fray

I am happy to report that I got up and did my workout this morning :) after only a few days of not doing it, I'm really feeling it again. I'm determined once more to get back into yoga, and regain the flexability that I had when I was doing it daily. I'm so excited by the prospect of being in better shape again. but I've decided that I am going to go shopping probably next week, and get just a few new clothes. I'm tired of trying to fit into my clothes, and excited to have clothes that fit me, and make me feel better. nothing like wearing the clothes I wore the whole time I was prego, to get me frustrated. Even though my clothes aren't quite as tight as they were 2 weeks ago, I'm still sick of them! And there are so many KILLER sales right now, so I'm gonna get my butt out there, and do some shopping! Hooray! :) well, I'm gonna attempt to go back to sleep for a bit, cause I'm a bit exhausted, and I've found that my kids will usually sleep longer if I let them climb in bed w/me for a while when they wake up, and hopefully they'll be in a better temperment w/a bit more sleep :)

modivation.... where have you gone???

Well I'm sad to report that I haven't done anything the last few days. I woke up early on Friday, the day I went to a family reunion, and worked out. but then I stayed there that night, and shockingly didn't do a damn thing. my baby has been a bit gassy the past few nights, so I haven't been sleeping as well as I usually do, and hence I just don't want to get out of bed AT ALL. infact I spent a lot of the day today sleeping, and I'm just as tired now, as I was when I got up this morning. And I didn't even attempt to get up w/my hubby at 5 this morning. blah. I've also started my period (SUPER BLAH) I NEVER got a period while breastfeeding the boys. god damn birth controll! I'm seriously considering switching to a progesterone only b/c again. not to mention this stuff has also effected my milk supply (though my baby's doctor says she's gaining plenty of weight and he's not concerned w/her not getting enough) I have noticed that I don't have nearly the supply I did before. I just REALLY do NOT want to take some stupid shit every single day, w/3 kids, it's just too much for me. ok well I'm gonna have to finish this rant another time, cause I'm about to loose my mind w/my 2 year old screaming and throwing a HUGE fit at the gate. so guess I'll get to this later....

and so it begins....

Well I only have a min, but I just wanted to write down my commitment to getting in great shape! Hooray! :) I started Slim in 6 (again) 4 days ago, and man I am feeling it! but in a good way. I've also been doing yoga every night again, ahhh LOVE yoga!! I've never done both at the same time, and I'm REALLY hoping that it'll have some fantastic results. I got into pretty good shape just doing yoga everyday, and I felt SOOO freaking fabulous the whole time! My slim in 6 workout is getting old (cause I've had it for like 6 years, and done it half ass a million times) I notice how many mistakes the creator of the program makes, and it's nice to know we're all only human :) haha. anyway, I'm going to try and keep track of the whole process, and blog as often as I can, in an attempt to keep modivated. Well here it goes..... :)

family

Well, my mother in law, and her youngest son (who is almost 17 now) are up visiting from Nevada. We haven't seen them since about 2 days before my 2 year old was born :( it's hard only being able to see them every year (or 2) I LOVE my mother in law SO MUCH, she's been SOO helpful, and amazing, and such great company. I swear everytime I see her, we get a little closer :) I love it, and wouldn't have it any other way :) The only thing that sucks about having her here, is that we have to share them w/my hubby's older brother, yes he's the one that was my hubby's partner, and drives me nuts! I feel bad, because he is constantly taking advantage of his mother, and leaving her w/his pain in the ass kids (yeah I feel kinda bad saying that, but they are seriously a nightmare) and borrowing money (with absolutely NO intention of even attempting to pay her back) and he just expects SO much from her, it's so agrivating. She is such an incredible woman, and I'm so thankful to know her, and have a good relationship w/her. And that makes it even harder to see her taken advantage of... Oh well, I guess it's just life. I keep trying to remind myself to not be angry at him so much, because of the array of lessons that my hubbs has learned from his brother's mistakes. but still, being so close to so many of those mistakes, and the fact that they have had a direct, and negative effect on me and my family, it can be tough. I know I bitch alot about HIM and all the crap w/him, so I'll try to look at the positive...... Well, I guess it's nice that I can tell she has a great time when she's staying at our house (even if she does have to stay there a few nights too) it is nice knowing that she'd probably rather be here :) So..... I guess I should attempt to wake up the hubs, and head over there to spend some more time w/them before they fly out in a few hours... :) till tommorow... :)

like sand through the hourglass....

It's amazing to me how fast life can seem to just pass you by. I swear when I was a kid, summer lasted so long, and I was always tan by the time July came. Now July has come and gone, and I'm still not tan (or at least not tan the way I used to get) *sigh* it gets a bit tricky trying to keep a baby out of the sun entirely, while attempting to get a tan. :) but such is life, and really, dispite the things that are different than I might see as ideal, I do love my life. come what may. :)

gamers.....ugh!

to the asswhole who invented Mag: YOU SUCK!!!! may you be hit by a bus, and never have anymore "excelllent" games, w/30 min rounds, that can't be paused, and make many wives/girlfriends want to drop kick their hubby/boyfriends' gaming consoles out the window! PS that goes for all you other people w/similar ideas too! and that's all I have to say to you! :)

a quick one

Well, I started my baby post, but just haven't gotten around to finishing it. Life has been crazy lately. I will say that I have the best baby EVER!!! she almost never cries, and only wakes up once to eat durring the night. Seriously, how lucky am I?!? Unfortunately the boys have been making up for her being such an angel. Since Jer has had my car, and is gone aobut 14 hours a day now, we don't get out at all durring the week. (I REALLY need to get a stroller that will accomidate an infant!) So they don't get the excercise that they so desperately need, hence the driving mommy absolutely INSANE :) who could blame them. I swear the two of them have been fighting so much more lately, I'm sure it's due to not getting enough energy out, but still. I'm clinging ever so desperatley to the shred of sanity that I still have left, (it's down to a thred these days) Ahh, as much as I really want to homeschool my kids (due to the fact that I think the education system is extremely outdated, and doesn't challenge kids nearly as much as they need) I wonder if I could do it. I guess time will tell. anyway, guess I better go and get Gav down for a nap, so that we can go bbq at the park. Until next time :)

a baby story..... :)

Well, I finally had my sweet little princess on the 9th. HIP HIP HOORAY! :) On tuesday night I went to bed w/some pretty bad contractions, they were pretty strong, but since I really only felt them in my hips, I figured that they must just be braxton hinks so I tried to go to sleep. Well around 1 AM I decided to try and get into the bath tub and see if they went away before calling my mom, she lives about an hour and 15 min away, and was going to come and stay w/the boys while I had my baby. Well while I was in the tub I realized that my contractions were NOT going away, and that's when i heard my kids wake up, both of them. I could even hear Gav crying, and calling for me :( I stayed in there a few more min, but he just wouldn't stop crying, so I got out, and went and laid w/them to put them back to sleep, all the while having horrible contractions that were steadily getting closer and stronger. well they finally went back to sleep, and I called my mom at 2. By this time I was nearly in tears w/every contraction, and having an increasingly harder time relaxing. (keep in mind that I delivered my son- 8 lbs 5 oz- w/no pain meds) All I could think about was how much better I would be after getting an epidural. I really wanted to call the hospital right then, and let them know to call the anesthesiologist so that he could meet me there. haha. anyway, so my mom got here at about 3:30, and off we went to the hospital.



Once we got there, I actually took the wheel chair, which was a first for me. After concluding that I was 1 cm farther than I had been at 2pm that afternoon, I got an IV, and was introduced to the best thing ever.... an epidural! After having done the whole labor thing 3 different ways now, I'd have to say I'm a HUGE fan of the epidural. While it is pretty cool to be able to say that I've done the whole natural thing, I'll admit that I'd never do it again! :) haha. Anyway, I was able to get both doses of antibiotic, so that my whole gbs was no big deal. about 30 min after finishing my second dose, I was at a 10, and started pushing, it only took like 3 or 4 pushes, and she was out! and w/no tearing or anything!! :) It was FANTASTIC!! my sweet princess was 6 lbs 13 oz and 19 inches long (exactly the same as her oldest brother) and w/a full head of hair. I had to stay in the labor room for an hour or so, until the meds from my epidural wore off, and I could get up and into a wheel chair. then it was off to recovery :) we had to stay in the hospital 2 days, for observation, because of the gbs. And my mom kept the boys for me the whole time, and even an extra day. it was SUCH a blessing! I LOVE my mom, and I don't ever want to know what I'd do without her! Well, there's still more to the story, but I'm pretty beat, so I'm off to bed for the night! :)

contractions galore.... ugh...

Holly crap have I been having contractions! I want to be happy and excited, but they just don't seem to be leading anywhere!!! BLAH!!! I don't remember having such strong and consistant contractions for so long w/either of the boys. Hello body, I already know what this whole baby having thing is like, I don't need practice contractions, so unless these are actually doing something, please make them stop! I swear you'd think that after having 2 kids, that I would know when I'm actually in labor, but this one has really been throwing me for a loop. Maybe it's the fact that I'm a tad paranoid about getting to the hospital w/plenty of time to get antibiotics, and still give my mom enough warning to be able to drive the hour and a half to get here and get my boys, that I'm just doing it to myself. I went into the doc today, and my blood pressure was 139/80(ish) which is SUPER DUPER high for me. I'm not even sure if my bp was that high when I've been in labor. though I could be wrong about the in labor thing, cause I was a bit side tracked while having a baby, I know that's a shock, but yeah. :) haha.

It's almost funny to me when I think of the mini breakdowns I've had the last few days. like this afternoon, I just couldn't stop crying for like 30 min, and just kept saying that I wanted to be done being pregnant. then about 2 min after I stopped crying, I had about 8 or 9 really good contractions, in the following hour, then.... a few little lame contractions, BOO! and now, even this very moment, I'm having another mediocre contraction. the thing about the contractions I've had for the past few hours, is that they've been accompanied by pain in my pelvis/hip region, so hopefully, they are at least getting me closer. I can't wait till my doc appt tomorrow, (so long as I'm at least a little closer) I really, really hope I'm at least a tad more effaced, and/or dialated than I was on Sat. and I really want to talk to my midwife, I wish I had been able to see her sat, and today, but no, I had to deal w/some other doctors, cause she wasn't working. :( lame, the doc I saw today told me that I didn't need to come in for my appt this week, cause today could count as my appt, but uh no, I don't think so. I couldn't wait for another entire week to find out if I'm any closer, (assuming that I even end up being prego for the next week) ahhh, anyway since I don't really have anything much to say, other than a little whinning, I guess I'll go for tonight. I'll just keep my fingers crossed that I can either just go into labor, or convice my midwife to induce me soon! :) till tomorrow....

the rantings of a crazy pregnant woman... :)

Ok, so first off, Naomi since you're the only person who reads my blog, I've just gotta say that you have become one of the best friends that I have! I love you so much girl, you always make me smile, and feel like I'm a better mom than I am, which just makes me want to be better. You inspire me, and just make me happy :) Thank you so SOO much! :) love you girl!

So anyway, I just feel the need to post about a few different things... first being that my husband has recently become friends w/a pornstar on facebook. He did tell me about it, expressing his surprise in finding out that she was a pornstar. He recently added a bunch of random people to add to his teams on some of the games he plays on facebook. He doesn't have even one picture of any of us, including him on his profile, so it's really not a big deal, but today I went to login to facebook, and it automatically brought up his. And right there on the updates, were a bunch new pics that this pornstar chick had just added to her profile, most she's half naked in, and I'll admit she does have a killer body, but that just makes me feel worse. Now for one thing she lives in Mexico, and another I KNOW that he isn't into trashy woman (not that being a pornstar, necisarily makes someone trasy) but yeah, I know he's really not into woman like that, and never has been. Still it does make me feel a bit self concious, and well, jelous I guess. I know that really I have no reason to be, but yeah. I don't know. I guess it doesn't really matter, and the fact that he told me when he figured it out is good. I suppose it's just my own insecurities, and the fact that I'm 9 months pregnant, and this is pretty much the only time that I'm just not real interested in getting any anyway, and he assumes that because I complain already about my pelvis hurting, and everything else, he doesn't really try. So I know that that plays a role in me feeling more insecure about it all. I guess I should just be happy that he's been different this time around w/actually wanting to give me some action, thank god he finally got over being freaked out by the big prego belly :) haha.

Well, after a night of contractions, and me thinking that I was actually in labor. Then finally being able to sleep somtime after about 12:30, I went into the doctor this morning, to find out that I'm like 70% effaced, and 2 cm dialated. Not quite as far as I'd like to be, but at least I'm getting closer :) HOORAY! But, they found protien in my urine, and my blood pressure was high, so I have to go back first thing monday (so long as I don't go into actual labor before then) to have them test me again, and make sure I don't have preeclampsia. If I do they're going to put me on bedrest :( BOO!! They told me to just take it easy and to drink a TON of water, which I've been doing, and I'll admit I am feeling better (and having to pee every 10 min). I've still been having contractions today, but nothing that's regular, it's just enough to make me stop and notice every now and then. Oh the joys of damn false labor pains!! Oh well, hopefully they're getting me closer to having this baby, and the real thing :) Bring on those painful, consistant contractions baby, I'm READY!! :) Oh yeah, and one super awesome thing for today, was that while I was taking a nap, Jer cleaned the whole kitchen (including sweeping the floor, and cleaning the table) and washed all the dishes! It was SOOO SOOO nice! I love having a clean kitchen, oh yeah, and he also did a load of laundry too :) YAY, he def scored some brownie points today. Then on top of that, we went to a friends daughter's birthday party, and he chased, and kept track of the boys the ENTIRE time that we were there, I didn't even have to say a word. he didn't even complain about it at all. It was fabulous :) so on that happy note I guess I'll go make that lasanga sauce that he's been really wanting me to make, since I just wasn't feeling up to it the last 2 days, and it really needs to get done. Hooray for a happy day :)

It's all good

Well, after a slight freak out w/the whole step b thing, I did a bit more reading, and I've decided that I was freaking out for nothing. I've read SOO many posts by different women who also tested positive for GBS and never had any problems what so ever. I know that my sweet little girl is healthy and strong, and so long as I just stay as happy and positive as possible she'll be just as perfect and healthy as can be :) haha, it's always amazing how much a positive attitude ALWAYS makes you feel better :D

So I finally have my hosptial bag packed, and my car seat is all clean and ready to get put in the car tomorrow. haha, I've been going to put it in the car "tomorrow" for at least 3 days now. but for real this time, I'm gonna get that base in the car! And Jer is actually going to work tomorrow too, (yes I'm just as shocked as you are) haha, he's only worked like 1 day since the begining of March!!! CRAZY!!! it's only going to be for the day I think, but hey, work is work. I'm kinda sad about him going, it's been so long since I had the boys all day alone, I KNOW FOR SURE that I can handle it, after all I had them all alone EVERY SINGLE DAY, (except for every other weekend) for the 3 months that he was working in MT, but still, I'm gonna miss him. I've gotten so used to him being here, and being able to do anything that I need him to do, for so long, that I don't want him to leave me. But such is life I guess. It'll be good to have a bit of money comming in, since we've now depleted our entire tax return. So I guess I'll just try and be happy and thankful for whatever comes :) It's been so nice since I stopped stressing about money. Even at times when we haven't had a dime to our name, somehow we've still made it through. I'm so thankful for all the blessings in my life. I was on Craigslist the other day, and saw a post that a woman did, trying to get things for 2 friends of hers that were both having babies, and don't have anything for them, or the money to buy much. It made me smile to see someone really trying to help out their friends, so I e-mailed her and I'm going to give her anything I can to help them out. Unfortunately I'm going to need the majority of my baby stuff now, but I figure that whatever I can give could make a difference for someone, so why not? :) Jer seemed surprised that I was going to just give away some of the things I don't use, but I've already been given quite a bit, so why not pass on the generosity. :) Well, I was going to make sauce for my home made lasagna (the BEST lasagna in the world) for tommorow, and since I already thawed out the meat for it, I better either go do something w/it, or make sauce. So I guess I'm off :)

Group b step :-(

Ok, so I know that group B step is fairly common in pregnant woman, but I just found out yesterday that I tested positive for it :( I was negative w/both boys, so I never really even looked into it, and what all it entailed. I know that the treatment is antibiotics that they administer durring labor, and since I've recently decided that I'm totally against antibiotics all together (as well as most vaccinations-long story-) I started doing some research. Well, now I almost wish I hadn't because I had about had a panic attack after finding out all the crap that gbs (group b step) can cause, like total mental retardation, meningitis, and death. and come to find out I know someone who recently lost a baby due to gbs. OMG, talk about a freak out!!!! I had been planning on staying home through the majority of labor this time around, since I ended up getting sent home, after thinking I was in labor, and having my contractions stop once I got to hospital w/BOTH of my boys. But that is now completely shot! I read today that to have the most effectiveness w/the antibiotics they should be administered at least 4 hours before delivery, and since I have no clue how fast this one is gonna go I'm a bit paranoid. I'm wondering about talking to my midwife about a scheduled induction once I get a bit closer, just so that I don't have to worry so much about this whole strep b thing. I talked to my sister who's had 5 kids, but she's never tested positive, so she really wasn't much help in making me feel better about it, unfortunately. It would def help if I knew someone who tested positive, had a vaginal birth, and had a perfectly healthy baby. Ahh, I'm sure everything will turn out just fine, but to be honest I'm still just freaked out by this whole thing. UGH, it makes me start to cry when I think about it. I'm trying not to think about it, but I just can't help it.

AHHHHHH!!!!!! Ok, gotta focus on something else now..... ok, so I'm just not having much else come to mind at the moment, so I guess I'll just try my best to stay positive, and focus on the the good things that I have to be thankful for. :) guess I'll post again when I know more.. until next time..

4 weeks and counting...

Well so I actually have less than 4 weeks left now (3 weeks and 6 days, haha) and man, I'm just tired of being pregnant. My sisters sister-in-law had a baby a month or 2 ago that was 3 weeks early, and ended up in ICU for about 2 or 3 weeks because his lungs weren't fully developed yet. Kinda makes you think... I guess even though we're miserable those last couple weeks, there is a reason why the little babies stay in there.. :) But ahhhh, I just want a super healthy and early baby, come on, is that really too much to ask for? I think not! I'm just SOOO ready to have my body back, even though what I really want is my pre-pregnant body, and not my "I gained 30 lbs, and just had a baby" body, I guess the "just had a baby" body will have to do. Ugh, SOO not looking forward to nursing bras, HATE them, and there isn't anywhere around that I can go to try nursing bras on. The stores only carry up to a 'D', uh yeah, I'm not even a D when I'm done breastfeeding, and all shrunken and tiny. GRRR!

Ah, I really wanted to go camping for memorial day weekend, but it has been cold, and wet here almost every day for the past few weeks (0ther than one or 2 nice days, just enough for me to get sun burned) but the positive side to that, is that I'm actually starting to get a decent tan, my shoulders are peeling like an SOB at the moment, but (thanks to my after sun aloe lotion) I'm still tan, HOORAY! I have a feeling that this is going to be the most tan I've been since I got married, and that is def something to celebrate :) I'd love to actually go to a tanning bed (after having my baby of course) so that I don't have such aweful tan lines, but oh well, all in good time :)

So my almost 2 year old is now getting his 2 year old mollars, oh joy! he's been waking up screaming about 4 or 5 times a night, but somehow he's still so happy in the morning, he usually come into my room, walkes to my side of the bed, and on good days, he'll climb up with me, and just lay w/me and smile. he pats my cheecks and says "wake up mommy" when I close my eyes and try to go back to sleep, then get up, and pulls on my hand saying "get up mommy, get up!" Even though I really just want to sleep (especially since he's been getting up at about 6:30 lately) he's just so darn cute. Just one of the many moments that make me happy, and thankful to be his mommy :)

Well it's already past the boys bed time, and I still need to give them a bath, so I better run. until next time :)

Ouchy!!

The weather here has finally started to get nice again, (HOORAY) so we went up to visit some friends and have a bbq. It was such a fun day, they have a little girl that is 9 1/2 months, and really starting to crawl around and pull up on things. She is SOOO cute, I just can't get enough of her whenever she's around :) but anywho, so we ended up being at the park for about 3 hours, letting the boys play, and just hanging out in the sun. It was a little chilly at times, so i didn't really realize how long we'd been out there, until I was already sunburned :( I hadn't planned on being outside so much, and didn't even think about sun block, oops. so now my shoulders, thighs and chest are super burned, I'd forgotten how much it burns. it's been quite a while since I burned this bad, thank goodness it wasn't very much of me that got burned. Gav got just a bit burned on his arms, and his face is a little pink. My hubby even got a little pink. But you can hardly even tell that Brod was in the sun at all. haha, lucky kid, he def got that mexican skin tone (maybe even more so than his dad, how does that work exactly?) oh well don't know.

Anyway, I was waiting for my hubby to wake up from his nap today, he stayed up till 1 AM playing video games last night, and got out of bed before 8 this morning, and so he's been sleeping for almost 2 hours now. haha, silly gaming men... but yeah I was gonna wait for him to wake up before putting my little guy down for his nap, but I'm thinking I need to get him to sleep now, so I guess I'll finish up later. But first I must say that sunburn and all, I'm SOOO happy that it's feeling like spring again :)

Pregalicious

Well today I am feeling particularly pregalicious :) I found a lady on craigslist that was selling maternity clothes, so I went and tried them on, and bought a few new shirts, capri's and pants. the lady though I was crazy for buying anything when I only have 8 weeks left. But I've realized that the way I feel about how I look while I'm prego has a big effect on how healthy I am, and how happy I am for sure. So I figure that it's worth it, besides most stores have discontinued their maternity sections, except for online, and I'm a "have to try EVERTHING on" kinda girl when it comes to clothes. And even though I did pay $29 for my new maternity selections, I think I look fabulous (as fab as I can at 8 month prego, that is) and so, I feel fabulous too :)

I'm really enjoying having my hubby around every day too. Even though he still doesn't do much around the house, he is a great cook, and helps me out a ton w/the boys. It was funny, the other day while we were sitting down for dinner, I mentioned to my boys how much their sister was moving around, and my 4 year old says "Mom, I bet she's just trying to get out of there, so that she can come and play w/me!" haha, then a day or two later he asked me if she was out yet, haha, nope buddy, not yet. :) he's so funny, I'm excited for him to have a little sister. He can be such an awesome little helper. Every time that my little niece comes over (she's 2 1/2) he walkes around with her, and gets her everything she wants and plays really well with her. Unfortunately his little brother gets a little left out when it's just the 3 of them, but they still all have fun :)

Anyway, I'm off to the dentist, and the doctor today, so I should probably go eat and finish getting ready. I'm acutally really excited about getting 3 of my 4 cavities taken care of today, it's such a relief to know that soon I won't have any, and I can just keep it that way :) ahh, well I'm off... :)

differences...

Ok, so I've decided that it is just a different experience all together, from one pregnancy, to the next. Particularly w/boys and girls I think. Or at least it has been for me. I swear I've never felt so non-pregnant while actually pregnant as I have this time around. Even now, I'm almost 31 weeks, and I just don't particularly feel pregnant. Though sciatica does stop in regularly to give me a little reminder... doh! :) But even then, I've been doing yoga just about every day again, even if I don't do much, I usually do something. I've also noticed that the low abdominal pain that I'd been feeling for quite a while has all but subsided completely since I've been doing kegels every day. I used to feel silly doing kegels, but I think they're fabulous, and really does strengthen those muscles that are tougher to get to.

It's funny, I somehow expected a little girl to be more mellow than my boys, but I have found that to be false. This little girl is just as active as both her brothers always were. I've got a feeling that she'll prebably be just as energetic as her brothers when she's "on the outside" too :) haha. I'm so excited, I've been looking through a ton of baby girl bows and headbands. I think the big flowers are my favorite, can't wait till I find ones I want. I know it's gonna be all to easy to spend alot more money on kids/baby clothes w/a girl, and if I'm getting her alot, then I'll have to get a bit more for the boys too... haha, good thing I'm rich... :)

Anyway, I should probably go put my little guy down for a nap, so guess I'm off for now :)

the insanity that is pregnancy... :P

Ok, so I swear pregnant woman are honestly CRAZY!!! At least I am, no doubt about it. There are moments when I swear I could strangle my husband, then the next second I'm crying on his shoulder, and don't ever wanna let go..... hmm, then again, maybe it's not just the pregnancy, cause I think I've done that when I'm not prego, so I guess woman are just crazy. All those damn hormones, I just have to ask WHY? Is it seriously necessary for us to be raging bitches one moment, and cry babies the next? come on, I don't think we need that. But then I guess I'm not the one in charge, otherwise, things would be much different... :) Anyway, so I've decided that my irritations are pretty rediculous most of the time. I get SOOO PISSED OFF at my husband on the days when he sleeps in while I get up with the kids, yes I know I've bitched about it multiple times, but really, it's me that just gets up w/them, and closes the bedroom door so that he can sleep. I don't know if it's just the good wife in me, or if it's that I hope he'll just get the hint and do it for me more often or what. But honestly, even on days when I do get to "sleeep in" I'm always awake, the many years of being the ONLY one getting up w/babies has made me far too light of a sleeper to actually sleep when the kids are awake. Even being 7 months pregnant, and exhausted, I STILL just can't sleep like I did before I had kids... Haha, I often long for those distant days when I could sleep through people screaming, yelling, and rolling over top of me, without so much as an eye flutter in response :) HAHA, guess that wouldn't be so good when it comes to taking care of an infant that relies 100% on you... Oh well, suppose this is just another adventure in life, and if I never sleep through rolling over, or kids talking in their sleep, then I guess it'll all be worth it, so I'll try not to complain too much... :)

w/macaroni and cheese

Well this is gonna be a quick post, just a few cute things that I wanted to post about, so that I remeber some cute moments from the past few days. It was the cutest thing, while my sister was here, my 4 year old was asking for something (can't remeber what it was) and said "pretty please, with macaroni and cheese?" haha, he actually came up w/that one on his own :) so cute. Now one of my 20 month old's favorite movies is "Poo Manda" which some days turns into "Kung Poo Manda" (depending on how many times he's watched it that day) which is obviously Kung Fu Panda, but just so cute, one day he just kept asking for Poo Manda, and I couldn't figure out what the hell he was taking about. haha :) Doesn't seem to matter how much we tell him, every super hero is still "Go-Man". But then I love it! It's so cute when they still have their own little language for things :) (cute so long as mommy can figure out what he's talking about) :) haha.... One of the joys of being a mommy is getting to see, and experience these moments that just make me smile.... All in all, being a mommy has been the most amazing, and rewarding experience of my life! Hooray for mommies everywhere! :)

Oh yeah, and on a side note, I went to the doc for my glucose screening, (I don't have gestational diabeties, yay!!) and I've only gained 3 lbs this month, hip hip hooray!!! :D

Family times

Well I went to church this past Sunday (to 2 different sacrament meetings-scary-) for the first time in...oh, 2 years, since I had to go for my other little brother's homecomming. Ahh, it's somewhat sad to me to see all my little brothers go through the most intense 2 year brain washing event ever, but I guess to each his own. I wish sooo bad that the next brother in line wouldn't go, he has so much life in him, and such a great spark, I hate to see it dumbed down, and suppressed for 2 years :( but once again, not my choice, and I did tell him that I'd support him reguardless of what he choose, so long as it was what HE wanted to do, so i guess I'm stuck having to go to church again in another 2 1/2 years when he gets back. Oh well could be worse.... :)

So anyway, I had an eventfull weekend. First my sister came up on Wed evening, and stayed w/me. It was SOO wonderful to see her, it seems like nomatter how much time we have together, it's never quite enough, but I enjoyed the time I spent w/her thoroughly :) We ended up going out to lunch w/one of her good friends (w/no kids, hooray) on Friday, and coincidently while we were out shopping and playing around, my hubby ended up getting in an accident. I guess some lady ran a red light, and hit him. Thankfully nobody was hurt, and her insurance is going to pay for everything, including a rental car while ours gets fixed. Whew..... really lucked out on that one, since our insurance had lapsed, (oopsy) it was a nice little reminder to get ours up to date. I'm so greatful that everyone was ok, and that our car is still drivable. *insert big sigh of relief* :) Then on Sunday we went up to my parents place for my little brother's homecomming, I ended up singing in 2, yes 2 sacrament meetings, and got my fill of church for the next 50 years. haha if only I could get out of going again till then :P It wasn't really that bad, the boys were great, and sat w/their cousins and played most of the time :) Then we went to my mom and dad's new house for a lunch w/everyone. it was such a chaotic, fun time. 75 people-not counting my siblings- showed up throughout the afternoon for the "lunch" and to see the fam and Jas. It was really nice to see some of my family that I haven't seen in years, and I was amazed, as usual, by how well my parent's house accomidates a large crowd. Guess 40 years in the construction business really payed off when it came to my pops building his own place :) Ok, well I can hear my boys having their 3rd little spat since I got on here, so I suppose I should go, and help keep the peace. I'm so thankful for the beautiful weather, wonderful family, good friends, and my persistant good health, so that I can enjoy it all :) Hooray for spring! :)

tag :)

Ok, so this will probably be the only photo I post, this is for you Naomi :)

Well, this is a pic of me and my first son. It was sometime in May of 2008, taking his tricycle for it's first trip at the park :) I was about 8 months pregnant at the time, and we went to one of my favorite parks that has a great walking path, and has mile markers so that you can keep track of how far you've gone. We had so much fun, and all the pictures we took turned out exceptionally good. I was so impressed w/my sweet little guy, he made it all the way around the park (about 3/4 mile) riding his bike, he was so fast, he had to wait a couple times for mommy to catch up :) I remember how excited he was about the prospect of getting a little brother, and would constantly reffer to my belly as "brother G..." he's such a good big brother, and I'm so thankful to have his sweet little presence in my home. :) I love you son! :)

issues :(

Ok, so I just need to vent.... ahh, I'm having some issues w/my husband. First off my 20 month old has had a rash for the past few days, and it seems like every time he's haging out w/his dad, daddy NEVER even thinks about checking his diaper, and what do you know, when I go out into the living room, he needs his diaper changed, and has poop in his diaper for who knows how long!! Seriously, how hard it is to just pay a little attention?!!?! He hasn't worked for about a week and a half again, (which is becomming all to normal) and I repeatedly have to ask him to help me around the house. Granted he did clean the entire kitchen, and do ALL the dishes last Friday, while the boys and I cleaned the living room, and their bedroom. But I just wish I didn't have to get so pissed off at him, and bitch constantly for him to do anything. I swear some days I just feel like it's the same old shit, over, and over, and over!!! Some days I just want to strangle him!!! Another thing, his brother, who I've never been particularly fond of, comes over pretty regularly. Which I dodn't particularly mind, but when he does, he typically brings over at least 2 of his kids, which I end up playing with (or at least monitoring, while they play w/the boys) and cleaning up after while him and Jer play video games, or do whatever. Most of the time it doesn't really bother me, his kids really need a good mother type role model in their lives, as their own mother is about the worst example ever. But ok, enough about that, anyway, so my sister, who lives about 8 hours away, and whom I only see a few times a year is comming up tomorrow (SUPER excited to have her come!) but I just found out that her hubby can't come w/her anymore, so now I'm getting all stressed out and pissed off, because every single time that she comes up alone, my hubby just plays video games, and gets all bithchy about everything, cause her and I tend to just go off, and do our own thing while she's here. Blah, I'm already starting to cry cause I'm so pissed off at him already, and nothing has even happened yet!!! I just wish he could be kind and understanding, and just let me have a break from the kids, and spend some time with my sister. Good lord, I just don't even know!!! blah, I hate these damn hormones!!! Ugh, well since I have nothing good to say at the moment, and my little guy jumped the gate, and is now getting into everything in my computer room I guess I'll stop my bitch fest for now.

doing good

well, I am pround to say that I've been doing really good at not drinking coffee, and I do feel better. Though I've noticed that I'm starting to get more exhausted every day, yesterday I slept in,(till almost 8) took a 2 hour nap, and actually slept well last night. Ahh, I'm not ready to need a nap everyday again. But I guess it's all just a means to an end, and the end result will be SOO worth it :) I can't wait to get my sweet little girl here, we still haven't even come close to picking out a name yet, but I'm sure the right name will come along :) If nothing else I guess we could always take a baby name book w/us to the hospital, and figure it out while I'm having her. haha

So far today has been a good day, The hubs didn't have to work today, so we got to sleep in again. I also put the boys to bed late last night, so they slept in too, hooray! Most of our snow has melted now, (unfortunately the parks are all REALLY wet still) but I'm sure another week or so of decent weather, and everything will dry up :) We went and looked at a bike for my 4 year old, and found one that we're going to get for him, yet another thing that I'm excited about. But my dilema is, do I get a stroller that I can put baby, and a 2 year old in, or will I just be wasting my money on a double stroller. I'm not sure he will sit in a stroller if his older brother is riding a bike. I have a tricycle, but I know a bike is going to be MUCH faster, so I'm just not sure how it'll work out w/the 2 boys. Oh well, guess it's not something I have to worry about just yet, so we'll just leave it to the future for now. Anyway, I have lots of stuff to accoplish today, so I guess I should get ready for the day while the hubs is off donating plasma :) ahhh, I'm SOOO happy it's spring! :) :)

snow :(

well we woke up this morning to a blanket of white :( Blah such a bummer when you only yearn for spring, but it's supposed to be in the 40's today, and all of next week. most of the snow we have has melted now, and I'm really thinking everything we got last night will be melted shortly. But it was still a bit of a dissapointement to see it this morning.

The boys and I actually got out a bit yesterday, and went for a nice walk, then played a bit in the wet, dirty snow. Ugh. But the boys loved it! I had figured that since we HAD gotten out, that they'd be more ready for bed last night, (the past few nights they've been going to bed a few hours later than normal) so I got them all ready, and laid down w/them around 7:45, they fell asleep about like normal, but then my 4 year old was up about 10 times. First I noticed him laying on the floor next to my bed, and took him back to his bed (his brother seems to sleep better when they're in there together). So just as I get into my own bed, and attempt to fall back to sleep, he wakes up again, and this time comes and lays next to me on my bed, falling asleep again in about 2 min, so I again take him to his bed. Well basically he woke up at least 2 times more, and by the time I was just about falling back to sleep, it was time to get up and get everything ready for the hubs to head off to work. AHHHH, at least I had 2 good nights sleep in a row before last night's episode, but I'm still a bit groggy.

Lately I've fallen into a bad habit of drinking coffee w/Jer in the mornings, (only one small- about 4oz- glass) typically I don't drink it while I'm prego. But he drinks it EVERY DAY, and it is SOOOO damn good. I even found an organic roast that we really like. But yeah, I've noticed that I've been letting myself get a bit dehydrated lately, and I'm sure that the coffee is contributing to that significantly, so I am going to get back into the habbit of just dumping out any coffee that he doesn't drink, and replacing mine w/water again. I'm also more determined than ever to stop eating, and buying so much damn junk food. Seems like I get so much crap, intending to have it as snacks for the kids, then I end up eating it all. :( I know I need to just buckle down, and get us ALL eating healthier, I guess I should just look online for more ideas to find things that aren't time consuming, and that the kids will like. It's just the actual DOING part that I haven't been all that great at lately. BUT, today is yet again a new day, and anything in the past can just be left to the past, as we press on to a happier, and healthier version of us! :)

Haha, whatcha gonna do :)

Well I've officially decided that having gained 13lbs isn't nearly as big of a deal as I felt it was yesterday. Amazing what a good night's sleep can do for you :) Since my grand total is about 16 lbs, it's really not such a big deal, and now that I've had a while to get over it, I decided that it is just a good reminder to get out and get more excercise. I'm so thankful it has been starting to warm up here at last. Still not much higher than low 40's but a TON of our snow has melted, and it actually rained here (yes RAIN, not snow, hooray!) 2 times yesterday :) So I'm determined to get out and go for walks again w/the boys, and I'm sure that it will make a huge difference on the amount of weight I gain thoughout the remainder of this pregnancy. At any rate, I can always just get a gym membership after I'm done being prego, and bust my butt back into shape. Hopefully at that point the hubs won't be leaving at 5 AM and I can go in the mornings. but if he does, I'm sure I'll figure out something :)

Ahh, it's a good day. My goal is to try and play with and appreciate my boys as much as I can today, and to GET OUT, even if we just make it around the apt complexes, we WILL get some excersize today! hooray for spring! :)

13 pounds?!?! WTF!!!

Ok, so I just got back from my 24 week check up, and I gained 13 pounds since last month!!!!! Holly shit, WTF?!!! So I've def had an appitite, (finally) the last month, but 13 pounds? that's more than 3 lbs a week!!! I'm still in such shock that I don't even know what to think. BLAH!! even before my appointment I had decided that it was def time for me to start working out, but yikes, I just didn't know how right I really was. It's bizzare, last night I had a dream that I went to my appt, and had gained 10 lbs, but seriously, I'm soo bummed and pissed off at myself for letting it be true :( Ugh. Oh well, guess i just need to move on, start exercising, and eat less junk food. AHHH, ok, well at the moment I don't really have much else to say, so I guess I'll just leave it at that. poo.

Life is good.

Well, I'm finding that I really enjoy my morning times after the hubs goes off to work. Usually I get my alone time at night, but lately it's all I can do just to stay awake while I get the boys to bed, then I'm awake every morning around 4:30 before the alarm goes off, and thinking "why the hell am I awake already?!" funny, somehow I'm not really tired, and even when I stay in bed I rarely sleep. I'm not sure if it's because of my thyroid getting where it should be, or what, but it's all good. :)

So this morning while I was surfing around, I came across some pics of my 4 year old's name sake, from years ago, and it really made me realize how lucky I am. Warner died when his little boy was 4 years old (can't believe it's been so long ago) and I think of my sweet boys, I can't imagine having to raise them without their daddy. Even though I didn't know Warner as well as I'd like to have known him, I know he was an incredible man, and a great dad. I hope his wife and son are doing well. We don't hear from, or see them hardly at all anymore, but my prayers and thoughts are with them.

Ahh ok, well I've got myself sobbing now, which is becomming all to familiar. haha, I swear I'm even more emotional w/this pregnancy (if that's even possible) than I was with any other. maybe it's cause I know I'm having a girl now. haha. Well I'm really thinking about a tiny little glass of coffee, and some breakfast, so I'm off ;) here's to another great day of being a mommy :)

It's a girl!!! YAY! :)

Well I found out last week that I am having a little girl!!!! YIPPY!! I am so excited I can hardly stand it. :) I've been watching my boys with a slightly different light lately, watching them wrestle, and horse around. boys haha. I love it, I can't help but think of my own brothers when I see them, and I know that they're going to be doing it for the rest of their lives. Brothers, ahh so fun. I'm so glad that they have each other. I almost feel guilty for feeling like my family is going to be done now. I think of the relationships that I have with my sisters, and I almost feel like I need to give that to my daughter as well, (which is funny, cause she's not even going to be born for like 4 1/2 more months) but I guess just having siblings is going to have to be good enough, and she'll always have cousins that are her age. Even though it's not quite the same, I guess it'll have to do :)

Ah, well anyway, I've started to explore the girls section of stores, and even though I feel a bit out of place (like someone is going to come and tell me I can't be there or something, cause I only have boys) haha, I'm sure I'll adapt. It's funny how you can get so used to something, (like only having blue around) pink just seems so foreign to me, but I'm so excited. Oh, and my husband finally has work again now too. It's been absolutely amazing to me how fast we've been able to get everything caught up, and at this rate, we may acutally be ahead by then end of the month!! HOORAY! I knew everything was going to work out. Sometimes I just have to sit back and marvel at the way things work out, all you have to do is believe, and somehow it just works! I'm so gratefull, it seems like it's been forever since things worked out this well. granted my hubby is working w/his brother again (def less than ideal) but it IS work, and his bro moved in just around the corner from us, so he picks him up every morning. I suppose I shouldn't complain, I know this is just a means to get us through to the next journey in our lives, and for that I am truly gratefull :)

Ah, another EXCELENT thing for this week, is that my 19 month old is finally sleeping through the night, and in his own bed (or more accurately in his brother's bed-at his brother's request-) but it is SOOO nice!!!! I didn't realize how good of a night's sleep I could get, even with getting up at 5AM every morning, I still feel great! :) Well I just realized that I'm starving, so I guess I'll go and get some breakfast. :)

The joys and trials of toddlers

Well this evening found me sitting at the kitchen table for nearly an hour, attempting to teach my almost 19 month old that he has to eat his dinner. Now normally he does so good, and is a better eater than his 4 year old brother. But lately he just gets down, and runs around after eating 2 or 3 bites of his food. Today, I'd just had ENOUGH!!! And so, I got out his booster seat again, buckled him in, and sat w/him while he cried, threw a fit, nearly feel asleep, and finally ate his dinner. Ahhhh, sometimes I wonder if I must be crazy wanting to have another one. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being a mommy, and I love my kids more than anything. But some days I wonder if I will make it through these years with even a shred of sanity. Some days I have to remind myself multiple times that these are some of the best years (though there will be many good ones in the future too) I have to remember that my kids are not always going to want mommy to play with them, and do everything for them, and that I need to just appreciate today for what it is, and leave tomorrow to tomorrow.

Anyway, I've noticed lately that I must have a need for faith. As my husband still has no work, and just found out today that we do not qualify to receive unemployment, granted he only paid into it for the 3 months that he worked in MT, he made over $13,000, and now after a month of waiting to find out what was going on, and counting on having that money, we will not be getting a dime. It's been tough to say the least, though I am greatful that there are programs out there that can help families out at times like this, it's extremely humbling to have to be one to ask for the help. But it far exceeds becoming homeless, or not being able to feed my children, and the baby growing inside of me. I know beyond any doubt that somehow things WILL work out, and that everything does indeed happen for a reason, even if we are unable to see how, or why. I try to focus on keeping an open mind, and being open to receive the guidance that I need in order to find a solution. Somehow it will come, I know that we will get by, and though I do not feel that we will end up on the street, I know that if for some reason we do, there is a reason, and that everything will be ok. I am so thankful that we all have our health, and that we have each other. Having my wonderful husband here, by my side everyday gives me strength. Somehow whenever I start to fall on my face, and loose hope, he is always there to catch me and help me back to my feet. It's when times are tough that his true nature really shines through, and gives me a wonderful reminder of why I am with him, and how perfectly he completes me :) I guess on that note I'll end for the day, with the faith that a bright future is within my grasp, and I all have to do is take hold, and let the light within shine forth. :)

new addition :)

Well, it has yet again been forever since I posted anything on here, and though I know nobody really reads this, I guess I'll still update whomever comes across it :) Sooo..... I am pregnant again, I am 16 weeks now, and really excited about the newest addition that will hopefully be joining my family by June 23rd :) I'm really really hoping for a girl, but I know that I will love this sweet little baby, whatever it is :) I won't be able to find out what I'm having (hopefully they'll be able to tell) until Feb 2nd. Ahh, the suspense kills me. I just wanna know already! :) But ahh, it is nice to know that whatever this baby is, it's healthy and growing every day :)

Oh how I love my children. I remember times growing up when my mother would tell me that I wouldn't understand just how much she loved me, until I had children of my own, and SURPRISE, she was right. Haha, just like she was about SOO many things. It's funny how much smarter your parents get, (or how smart you realize they always were) once you have kids of your own. I really appreciate how patient my mother has always been, I can think of MANY MANY times throughout my childhood, and teenage years, where if I had been my mother, I'd have beaten myself to a pulp, or at least yelled, and wanted to beat myself, and yet my mom never did. She is such an incredible example, one I will most likely never emulate myself, but still she makes me want to be a better mom :) at least it's something to strive for. :)

Hmm, well after going off on that tangent I've completely forgotten anything else I wanted to write about, so I suppose I'll leave it at that. Here's to a year, filled with love, happiness, and prosperity for all :)