reminding me again

So earlier this afternoon, I was starting a post about how I just needed a change, and that I just didn't know what it was, when my sweet hubby came in (amidst my sobbing) and told me I needed to take more time for myself. he told me to just go out, go shopping, or whatever I wanted, and just do it for ME. And I was reminded why I married him. I've known for quite a while that I need to take the time for myself, but I guess I get so caught up w/life, and being pissed off at everyone, while blaming them for my unhappiness, when it isn't them. It's just me forgetting that I am a person too, and I have needs, beyond the need to have the dishes done, or house clean. And that I should NEVER feel guilty for taking time out, to recharge my batteries, because it makes me SO much happier, and a much better mother and wife. Makes me wonder how my mom does it, I don't remember EVER seeing my mom do a thing for herself, and yet she doesn't ever seem bitter, or angry. But ya know, I'm begining to realize that in her heart I just don't think she feels like she is worth taking the time for. I don't recall my mom ever doing anything but criticizing herself, no matter how much she does, in her own eyes, I don't think it's ever enough. ahh, I LOVE my mother w/all my heart, but I see how her lack of self esteem has effected me, and my siblings, and I've realized how important it is to have that love of myself, I have a hard time feeling good about being me, but I see my mom (whom I think is one of the most beautiful woman I know, both inside, and out) and I see my kids, who are adorable, and they couldn't have gotten it ALL from their dad, granted he did pitch in some of their good looks, but it had to be at least a little from me too. and I see that I can't be all bad. :) haha ok so I'm not there yet, but it's a start :)