Well, it has yet again been forever since I posted anything on here, and though I know nobody really reads this, I guess I'll still update whomever comes across it :) Sooo..... I am pregnant again, I am 16 weeks now, and really excited about the newest addition that will hopefully be joining my family by June 23rd :) I'm really really hoping for a girl, but I know that I will love this sweet little baby, whatever it is :) I won't be able to find out what I'm having (hopefully they'll be able to tell) until Feb 2nd. Ahh, the suspense kills me. I just wanna know already! :) But ahh, it is nice to know that whatever this baby is, it's healthy and growing every day :)
Oh how I love my children. I remember times growing up when my mother would tell me that I wouldn't understand just how much she loved me, until I had children of my own, and SURPRISE, she was right. Haha, just like she was about SOO many things. It's funny how much smarter your parents get, (or how smart you realize they always were) once you have kids of your own. I really appreciate how patient my mother has always been, I can think of MANY MANY times throughout my childhood, and teenage years, where if I had been my mother, I'd have beaten myself to a pulp, or at least yelled, and wanted to beat myself, and yet my mom never did. She is such an incredible example, one I will most likely never emulate myself, but still she makes me want to be a better mom :) at least it's something to strive for. :)
Hmm, well after going off on that tangent I've completely forgotten anything else I wanted to write about, so I suppose I'll leave it at that. Here's to a year, filled with love, happiness, and prosperity for all :)
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Life, wow....
Well It's been about forever since my last post, and a lot has happened in the past 2 months. For starters, I haven't had a phone or the internet, so I've been pretty much cut off from the world as a whole. Lets see, my hubby started working out of the state, about 4 hours away, and only gets to come home every other weekend, which wouldn't be so hard if at least one of us had a phone, but oh well, what can ya do right? The timing wasn't exactly ideal, as he left the week before his birthday, and I only got to talk to him 10 min, then was also gone for my birthday, thankfully I was able to spend time with my family, and stay at my parent's house, so at least I wasn't alone on my birthday, but it just wasn't the same without him. :( For the first time, I didn't feel different AT ALL on this birthday, guess it was bound to happend eventually, I suppose I just didn't expect it so soon.
So I swear the whole pay phone thing these days (meaning the lack and expense of pay phones) is freaking rediculous, and I've decided that I have GOT to get a phone again, at least a home phone, it is just SUCH a pain in the ASS to have to find a pay phone, I didn't realize how few there are these days, till I needed to use them anytime I want to call anyone. rediculous I tell ya. but hey at least they are there! and thank god, cause I don't know what I'd do if they didn't exist anymore. So I suppose I shouldn't complain. so ok, I'm done.
Anywho, so my 4 year old had the longest celebrations for his birthday this year, we went to Montana to see the hubs, and got presents and everything for him to open, then went swimming at the hotel we were staying at, and let him ride his new scooter most of the day. well we went home, and my wonderful sister was there to visit, and like the best aunt ever, that she just happens to be, she showed up w/a huge bouque of balloons, every 4 year old boys dream :) and a ton of clothes and new toys for him, while she was staying w/us we ended up getting cup cakes, and singing him Happy Birthday about 10 times, then when daddy came home, we ended up getting him a cake, and doing it all over again. So, now he's convinced that he gets lots of birthdays, cute and funny, all in all a fun and good birthday :) Well I have much more to write, but I suppose it will have to wait until later, as I must go and get my little sister to do her homework before 11:00 tonight, so.... until next time :)
So I swear the whole pay phone thing these days (meaning the lack and expense of pay phones) is freaking rediculous, and I've decided that I have GOT to get a phone again, at least a home phone, it is just SUCH a pain in the ASS to have to find a pay phone, I didn't realize how few there are these days, till I needed to use them anytime I want to call anyone. rediculous I tell ya. but hey at least they are there! and thank god, cause I don't know what I'd do if they didn't exist anymore. So I suppose I shouldn't complain. so ok, I'm done.
Anywho, so my 4 year old had the longest celebrations for his birthday this year, we went to Montana to see the hubs, and got presents and everything for him to open, then went swimming at the hotel we were staying at, and let him ride his new scooter most of the day. well we went home, and my wonderful sister was there to visit, and like the best aunt ever, that she just happens to be, she showed up w/a huge bouque of balloons, every 4 year old boys dream :) and a ton of clothes and new toys for him, while she was staying w/us we ended up getting cup cakes, and singing him Happy Birthday about 10 times, then when daddy came home, we ended up getting him a cake, and doing it all over again. So, now he's convinced that he gets lots of birthdays, cute and funny, all in all a fun and good birthday :) Well I have much more to write, but I suppose it will have to wait until later, as I must go and get my little sister to do her homework before 11:00 tonight, so.... until next time :)
Sunday, August 30, 2009
The journey that is life....
Well the past week has held many changes for me, work has been basically nonexistant, so my husband has been trying to find work anywhere he can. Last weekend while he was doing a side job w/a friend, he was talking to the homeowner that they were laying sod for, and he mentioned that his nephew was doing concrete in Montana, and that he was going to be comming up to his house the next day, so my hubs went up and spoke to him the next day, and now he is about 4 hours away working in another state. So I am here staying at my parents house, since I have no phone and no car, and no husband around for two weeks at a time. He will be able to come home every other weekend for 3 days, and the job lasts for 3 months. It's pretty hard having him so far away, and the only way I can get ahold of him is through his now roomate that I've never even met. I guess he's super lonely, since all the guys he works with go to the bar every single night, and we can't talk to each other. So, I don't know, I've thought about going and camping out up there, to save money, since we still have our apt, and would have to give a 30 day notice before moving out, or something, just to help ease his loneliness. But I wonder if in reality it would really even be any better, I know he's having a hard time, and that I'm actually having a great time staying here at my parents, and getting so many opportunities to spend time w/some of my younger siblings that I've never really gotten to spend any time with since they were really little, and even then, when you're living at home, as a teenager, you don't want to spend time w/you little siblings, especially when they are 10-15 years younger than you are. So anyway, it's been really nice to get to know them now that they are all getting bigger. I love my family, and I guess no matter what the future holds, I will always be greatful for the time that I've been able to spend up here, and the relationships that I've been able to start building. I don't know when or if I will have an opportunity to write on here again for a while, but I guess time will tell, until then, I hope the future holds many wonderful things for anyone who happens to come accross this blog, and just remembering that life is what you make of it, no matter what is happening in your life, there is always something good to be thankful for, so long as you make the effort to look. :)
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
life
Today, as I was doing my morning workout, I realized that everytime I have written anything about my husband on this blog, it has been at a time, when I was upset, and frustrated by whatever happened to be going on at that particular moment, and that I haven't really had anything good to say about him, and so I felt the need to reevaluate some of my previous feelings, and find the words to say how I feel about him, when I'm not upset.
I was thinking particularly about my last entry, and how I said that I didn't have anything that was attractive about him, but that isn't entirely true. He is a good man, I've found (especially in the last few months) that whenever I am feeling like I'm falling, or hitting bottom, that it is in those times that he is so strong, and he is ALWAYS there to catch me, and help me back up on my feet. I see him, and the way that he is w/his brother/business partner, and that even though my bro-in-law, is about the most selfish man I think I've ever met, and that he almost never does anything unless it is going to benefit him, that the hubs is always watching out for him. Even when his bro has spent significantly more of the companies money, wheather it's on going to the bar, eating out, or just paying his baby sitter (reguardelss of them being 50/50 partners) that my hubs doesn't get upset, he just says something like "well, I guess he just needs more than we do" or whatever, it's been difficult for me to sit and see how much more that my hubs cares about his brother than I feel his bro does about him. I can't help but think of my older sister, and how she has always watched out for me, and tried to help and protect me from anything that she can, I ALWAYS know that she would do absolutely anything for me, and for my children, and I just wish that his big brother loved, and watched out for him that way. But what can you do right? I remeber my Grandmother telling me multiple times throughout my life growing up, that it didn't matter what they do, that your family is still your family, and that you HAVE to love them, just because they ARE FAMILY! I'm so extremely gratefull for my family, and for my wonderful husband, and even though he may not be that man that he has the potential to become, every min, that I'm not either. I know that we are both only human, but as we try to achieve our own unique potential, things DO get better, and better. I know that life hold so many wonderful experiences, for all of us, and that all we have to do is believe and that things will continue to get better. I look forward, with pleasure to our bright future, and I know that along this journey that is my life I will make a difference in people's lives, and hopefully it will be for the better. :)
I was thinking particularly about my last entry, and how I said that I didn't have anything that was attractive about him, but that isn't entirely true. He is a good man, I've found (especially in the last few months) that whenever I am feeling like I'm falling, or hitting bottom, that it is in those times that he is so strong, and he is ALWAYS there to catch me, and help me back up on my feet. I see him, and the way that he is w/his brother/business partner, and that even though my bro-in-law, is about the most selfish man I think I've ever met, and that he almost never does anything unless it is going to benefit him, that the hubs is always watching out for him. Even when his bro has spent significantly more of the companies money, wheather it's on going to the bar, eating out, or just paying his baby sitter (reguardelss of them being 50/50 partners) that my hubs doesn't get upset, he just says something like "well, I guess he just needs more than we do" or whatever, it's been difficult for me to sit and see how much more that my hubs cares about his brother than I feel his bro does about him. I can't help but think of my older sister, and how she has always watched out for me, and tried to help and protect me from anything that she can, I ALWAYS know that she would do absolutely anything for me, and for my children, and I just wish that his big brother loved, and watched out for him that way. But what can you do right? I remeber my Grandmother telling me multiple times throughout my life growing up, that it didn't matter what they do, that your family is still your family, and that you HAVE to love them, just because they ARE FAMILY! I'm so extremely gratefull for my family, and for my wonderful husband, and even though he may not be that man that he has the potential to become, every min, that I'm not either. I know that we are both only human, but as we try to achieve our own unique potential, things DO get better, and better. I know that life hold so many wonderful experiences, for all of us, and that all we have to do is believe and that things will continue to get better. I look forward, with pleasure to our bright future, and I know that along this journey that is my life I will make a difference in people's lives, and hopefully it will be for the better. :)
Friday, July 31, 2009
what to do...
Ahh, this hormonal rollercoaster that I've been on the past few weeks has really been comming to a head lately. I feel like all I do is yell and get super frustrated over EVERYTHING. I swear I'm so much more level headed and even tempered when I am prego, but alas, I know I should just be happy w/where I'm at.
Anyway, so there has been something on my mind lately that I just need to get out, and I know that I cannot say anything to anyone I'm arround here, because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. So..... ok, I have never been the type of person who cares about any person's weight (except my own) but lately I've started to notice how unattracted I have been physically to my husband. I know that if he were a more sensitive, sweet guy that did things for me just because that it would give me something more to be attracted to, but the fact is that he doesn't. Granted he DID take both boys to the park today for an hour, by himself, while I layed on the couch w/a heating pad, trying to ease my hellacious cramps. I just feel like I do about 95% of everything, whether it's caring for the boys, cleaning house, doing dishes, etc. he has only worked about 3 days in the past month and a half, and still doesn't really do much of anything. we had a talk (once again) about his gaming habits, and the effect they are having on our relationship, and he has commited to not playing the computer games again. but honestly I think he has a serious addiction, and it gets frustrating. I know that I should be greatfull that he is at least here, but there are some days when I (almost) wish he would just go out and do stupid shit, cause then I'd have a REAL reason to leave. not that I really want my marriage to end or anything, cause I really do love him, and I know that he's 100 times better of a father than his father was, but still..... I don't know, he's just so selfish, it's hard to know what to do. And OMG is he LAZY!!!!! He flies off the handle anytime that anyone makes any comment about him being lazy, but he IS!!! He frequently talkes about joining a gym, or getting running shoes, and starting to run, but he never does anything, and I'm sceptical about him spending the $ for a gym membership, because I just don't believe that he's going to use it. I try so hard to help him help himself, but the fact is that I can't do it for him, I get frustrated, because I can easily modivate myself to do whatever it takes for me to get exercise (to some degree) everyday, w/out spending ANY money, and while I AM greatful that I can do that for myself, I just wish there was something more that I could do for him. I see how self concious he is (even if he rarely shows it) and I want him to feel better about himself, but once again, what can I do? I guess all I really can do is to focus on me, because in the end I am the only person that I can change.
I guess I was hoping that by putting my feeling down, that I would have some epiphany as to what to do, but no such luck. I know that I love my husband, and that he does do things for me, so I think I just need to try and look for the good things, and take my focus away from the bad. After all, when you are looking for the bad in people you will find it, and if you look for the good, it will be there too. I suppose I'll sign off for now, with the intention of looking for the good......
Anyway, so there has been something on my mind lately that I just need to get out, and I know that I cannot say anything to anyone I'm arround here, because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. So..... ok, I have never been the type of person who cares about any person's weight (except my own) but lately I've started to notice how unattracted I have been physically to my husband. I know that if he were a more sensitive, sweet guy that did things for me just because that it would give me something more to be attracted to, but the fact is that he doesn't. Granted he DID take both boys to the park today for an hour, by himself, while I layed on the couch w/a heating pad, trying to ease my hellacious cramps. I just feel like I do about 95% of everything, whether it's caring for the boys, cleaning house, doing dishes, etc. he has only worked about 3 days in the past month and a half, and still doesn't really do much of anything. we had a talk (once again) about his gaming habits, and the effect they are having on our relationship, and he has commited to not playing the computer games again. but honestly I think he has a serious addiction, and it gets frustrating. I know that I should be greatfull that he is at least here, but there are some days when I (almost) wish he would just go out and do stupid shit, cause then I'd have a REAL reason to leave. not that I really want my marriage to end or anything, cause I really do love him, and I know that he's 100 times better of a father than his father was, but still..... I don't know, he's just so selfish, it's hard to know what to do. And OMG is he LAZY!!!!! He flies off the handle anytime that anyone makes any comment about him being lazy, but he IS!!! He frequently talkes about joining a gym, or getting running shoes, and starting to run, but he never does anything, and I'm sceptical about him spending the $ for a gym membership, because I just don't believe that he's going to use it. I try so hard to help him help himself, but the fact is that I can't do it for him, I get frustrated, because I can easily modivate myself to do whatever it takes for me to get exercise (to some degree) everyday, w/out spending ANY money, and while I AM greatful that I can do that for myself, I just wish there was something more that I could do for him. I see how self concious he is (even if he rarely shows it) and I want him to feel better about himself, but once again, what can I do? I guess all I really can do is to focus on me, because in the end I am the only person that I can change.
I guess I was hoping that by putting my feeling down, that I would have some epiphany as to what to do, but no such luck. I know that I love my husband, and that he does do things for me, so I think I just need to try and look for the good things, and take my focus away from the bad. After all, when you are looking for the bad in people you will find it, and if you look for the good, it will be there too. I suppose I'll sign off for now, with the intention of looking for the good......
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Knowing at LAST!!! :)
Well, I just found out today, that........ are you ready?....... I am NOT PREGNANT!!!! ahhhh, I was pretty excited at the prospect of having another child, but I'm actually relieved to have started my period today. There are alot of days when I think that I want a beautiful little girl to dress up, and play with, and love, but I just don't think I'm really ready for baby #3 just yet. I think it really takes being a full time mother of more than one child to make you appreciate just how much time and work it takes being a mom, especially once the naps stop, granted it IS easily worth the work, but reguardless, I think that it is extremely important to be ready. I see my sisters, one who has 5 kids, and one with 4 and one on the way, and how stressed out they always seem to be, and I just don't want that. I want to have few enough children, that I can easily give each child the attention, and patientce that they deserve, that and I'm not a particularly patient person to begin with, so just having 2 kids seriously tests me some days.
Ahh, I can easily see myself and my husband traveling the world w/the boys, it's perfect one for each of us, and I hear that #3 is the hardest, cause you only have 2 hands :) So I think that it's time for some birth controll, and maybe we'll save #3 for a few years down the road, when I feel more capable of dealing w/another little life to love :) So I guess tomorrow is the perfect day to start dedicating myself to slim in 6 for real this time. I've been extremely diligent w/my yoga, I haven't missed ONE day in over a month and a half!!! (which is a BIG deal for me) while I can see a difference in my body (I'm actually starting to get abdominal muscles, hooray) I still have a ways to go before I have reached my ideal body, I can still see the dimples on my inner thighs, and my butt, which I have started to notice more since we started boating, and I've been wearing an actual swim suit, which I haven't done in about 7-9 years!!! Amazingly I can fit into the boy shorts that I bought back then, but they are super tight, and i feel SOOO self concious when I wear them. I know the fact that the girlfriend that I'm with while boating, and the fact that she is tiny has a lot to do w/it, but I just want to be totally confident and happy in my own skin. I'm getting closer to being there, but I want to ARRIVE! And so I'll take some before pics, and start on my journey to being in the best shape of my life :)
The future is bright (as is the present) and I am optimistic. Hooray for life :)
Ahh, I can easily see myself and my husband traveling the world w/the boys, it's perfect one for each of us, and I hear that #3 is the hardest, cause you only have 2 hands :) So I think that it's time for some birth controll, and maybe we'll save #3 for a few years down the road, when I feel more capable of dealing w/another little life to love :) So I guess tomorrow is the perfect day to start dedicating myself to slim in 6 for real this time. I've been extremely diligent w/my yoga, I haven't missed ONE day in over a month and a half!!! (which is a BIG deal for me) while I can see a difference in my body (I'm actually starting to get abdominal muscles, hooray) I still have a ways to go before I have reached my ideal body, I can still see the dimples on my inner thighs, and my butt, which I have started to notice more since we started boating, and I've been wearing an actual swim suit, which I haven't done in about 7-9 years!!! Amazingly I can fit into the boy shorts that I bought back then, but they are super tight, and i feel SOOO self concious when I wear them. I know the fact that the girlfriend that I'm with while boating, and the fact that she is tiny has a lot to do w/it, but I just want to be totally confident and happy in my own skin. I'm getting closer to being there, but I want to ARRIVE! And so I'll take some before pics, and start on my journey to being in the best shape of my life :)
The future is bright (as is the present) and I am optimistic. Hooray for life :)
Sunday, July 26, 2009
summer days
Ahh, how I LOVE summer time! I love taking my boys to the park, running up the hills, playing on the swings, and the slides. I think I want to start spending winters down south, and summers here, so we can enjoy warmer weather all year long. Oh, we've been boating a lot lately, until last summer, I had never been boating (that I can realy remember) but, I'm really begining to LOVE it. I was so surprised that my boys both love it too, I expected my one year old to be fussy, and grumpy, but to my utter delight, he is sooo happy, even tough his life jacket rubs his poor little chin raw, he's still so chill ;) It's so crazy, cause the hubs and I have talked about buying a sail boat, and just sailing off into the horizion (when the boys are a bit older of course) and somehow I think I've always known that I loved the water, even though I never spent much time on it growing up, it seems to call to me, beckoning me to come and ride the waves....... Even though I've never even seen the ocean, I can still feel the salty breeze wafting over my body, as we sail the crysal clear waters of the carribean........ I know that one day I WILL be there, with my husband and my two beautiful boys :)
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