Life is good.

Well, I'm finding that I really enjoy my morning times after the hubs goes off to work. Usually I get my alone time at night, but lately it's all I can do just to stay awake while I get the boys to bed, then I'm awake every morning around 4:30 before the alarm goes off, and thinking "why the hell am I awake already?!" funny, somehow I'm not really tired, and even when I stay in bed I rarely sleep. I'm not sure if it's because of my thyroid getting where it should be, or what, but it's all good. :)

So this morning while I was surfing around, I came across some pics of my 4 year old's name sake, from years ago, and it really made me realize how lucky I am. Warner died when his little boy was 4 years old (can't believe it's been so long ago) and I think of my sweet boys, I can't imagine having to raise them without their daddy. Even though I didn't know Warner as well as I'd like to have known him, I know he was an incredible man, and a great dad. I hope his wife and son are doing well. We don't hear from, or see them hardly at all anymore, but my prayers and thoughts are with them.

Ahh ok, well I've got myself sobbing now, which is becomming all to familiar. haha, I swear I'm even more emotional w/this pregnancy (if that's even possible) than I was with any other. maybe it's cause I know I'm having a girl now. haha. Well I'm really thinking about a tiny little glass of coffee, and some breakfast, so I'm off ;) here's to another great day of being a mommy :)

It's a girl!!! YAY! :)

Well I found out last week that I am having a little girl!!!! YIPPY!! I am so excited I can hardly stand it. :) I've been watching my boys with a slightly different light lately, watching them wrestle, and horse around. boys haha. I love it, I can't help but think of my own brothers when I see them, and I know that they're going to be doing it for the rest of their lives. Brothers, ahh so fun. I'm so glad that they have each other. I almost feel guilty for feeling like my family is going to be done now. I think of the relationships that I have with my sisters, and I almost feel like I need to give that to my daughter as well, (which is funny, cause she's not even going to be born for like 4 1/2 more months) but I guess just having siblings is going to have to be good enough, and she'll always have cousins that are her age. Even though it's not quite the same, I guess it'll have to do :)

Ah, well anyway, I've started to explore the girls section of stores, and even though I feel a bit out of place (like someone is going to come and tell me I can't be there or something, cause I only have boys) haha, I'm sure I'll adapt. It's funny how you can get so used to something, (like only having blue around) pink just seems so foreign to me, but I'm so excited. Oh, and my husband finally has work again now too. It's been absolutely amazing to me how fast we've been able to get everything caught up, and at this rate, we may acutally be ahead by then end of the month!! HOORAY! I knew everything was going to work out. Sometimes I just have to sit back and marvel at the way things work out, all you have to do is believe, and somehow it just works! I'm so gratefull, it seems like it's been forever since things worked out this well. granted my hubby is working w/his brother again (def less than ideal) but it IS work, and his bro moved in just around the corner from us, so he picks him up every morning. I suppose I shouldn't complain, I know this is just a means to get us through to the next journey in our lives, and for that I am truly gratefull :)

Ah, another EXCELENT thing for this week, is that my 19 month old is finally sleeping through the night, and in his own bed (or more accurately in his brother's bed-at his brother's request-) but it is SOOO nice!!!! I didn't realize how good of a night's sleep I could get, even with getting up at 5AM every morning, I still feel great! :) Well I just realized that I'm starving, so I guess I'll go and get some breakfast. :)

The joys and trials of toddlers

Well this evening found me sitting at the kitchen table for nearly an hour, attempting to teach my almost 19 month old that he has to eat his dinner. Now normally he does so good, and is a better eater than his 4 year old brother. But lately he just gets down, and runs around after eating 2 or 3 bites of his food. Today, I'd just had ENOUGH!!! And so, I got out his booster seat again, buckled him in, and sat w/him while he cried, threw a fit, nearly feel asleep, and finally ate his dinner. Ahhhh, sometimes I wonder if I must be crazy wanting to have another one. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being a mommy, and I love my kids more than anything. But some days I wonder if I will make it through these years with even a shred of sanity. Some days I have to remind myself multiple times that these are some of the best years (though there will be many good ones in the future too) I have to remember that my kids are not always going to want mommy to play with them, and do everything for them, and that I need to just appreciate today for what it is, and leave tomorrow to tomorrow.

Anyway, I've noticed lately that I must have a need for faith. As my husband still has no work, and just found out today that we do not qualify to receive unemployment, granted he only paid into it for the 3 months that he worked in MT, he made over $13,000, and now after a month of waiting to find out what was going on, and counting on having that money, we will not be getting a dime. It's been tough to say the least, though I am greatful that there are programs out there that can help families out at times like this, it's extremely humbling to have to be one to ask for the help. But it far exceeds becoming homeless, or not being able to feed my children, and the baby growing inside of me. I know beyond any doubt that somehow things WILL work out, and that everything does indeed happen for a reason, even if we are unable to see how, or why. I try to focus on keeping an open mind, and being open to receive the guidance that I need in order to find a solution. Somehow it will come, I know that we will get by, and though I do not feel that we will end up on the street, I know that if for some reason we do, there is a reason, and that everything will be ok. I am so thankful that we all have our health, and that we have each other. Having my wonderful husband here, by my side everyday gives me strength. Somehow whenever I start to fall on my face, and loose hope, he is always there to catch me and help me back to my feet. It's when times are tough that his true nature really shines through, and gives me a wonderful reminder of why I am with him, and how perfectly he completes me :) I guess on that note I'll end for the day, with the faith that a bright future is within my grasp, and I all have to do is take hold, and let the light within shine forth. :)

new addition :)

Well, it has yet again been forever since I posted anything on here, and though I know nobody really reads this, I guess I'll still update whomever comes across it :) Sooo..... I am pregnant again, I am 16 weeks now, and really excited about the newest addition that will hopefully be joining my family by June 23rd :) I'm really really hoping for a girl, but I know that I will love this sweet little baby, whatever it is :) I won't be able to find out what I'm having (hopefully they'll be able to tell) until Feb 2nd. Ahh, the suspense kills me. I just wanna know already! :) But ahh, it is nice to know that whatever this baby is, it's healthy and growing every day :)

Oh how I love my children. I remember times growing up when my mother would tell me that I wouldn't understand just how much she loved me, until I had children of my own, and SURPRISE, she was right. Haha, just like she was about SOO many things. It's funny how much smarter your parents get, (or how smart you realize they always were) once you have kids of your own. I really appreciate how patient my mother has always been, I can think of MANY MANY times throughout my childhood, and teenage years, where if I had been my mother, I'd have beaten myself to a pulp, or at least yelled, and wanted to beat myself, and yet my mom never did. She is such an incredible example, one I will most likely never emulate myself, but still she makes me want to be a better mom :) at least it's something to strive for. :)

Hmm, well after going off on that tangent I've completely forgotten anything else I wanted to write about, so I suppose I'll leave it at that. Here's to a year, filled with love, happiness, and prosperity for all :)

Life, wow....

Well It's been about forever since my last post, and a lot has happened in the past 2 months. For starters, I haven't had a phone or the internet, so I've been pretty much cut off from the world as a whole. Lets see, my hubby started working out of the state, about 4 hours away, and only gets to come home every other weekend, which wouldn't be so hard if at least one of us had a phone, but oh well, what can ya do right? The timing wasn't exactly ideal, as he left the week before his birthday, and I only got to talk to him 10 min, then was also gone for my birthday, thankfully I was able to spend time with my family, and stay at my parent's house, so at least I wasn't alone on my birthday, but it just wasn't the same without him. :( For the first time, I didn't feel different AT ALL on this birthday, guess it was bound to happend eventually, I suppose I just didn't expect it so soon.

So I swear the whole pay phone thing these days (meaning the lack and expense of pay phones) is freaking rediculous, and I've decided that I have GOT to get a phone again, at least a home phone, it is just SUCH a pain in the ASS to have to find a pay phone, I didn't realize how few there are these days, till I needed to use them anytime I want to call anyone. rediculous I tell ya. but hey at least they are there! and thank god, cause I don't know what I'd do if they didn't exist anymore. So I suppose I shouldn't complain. so ok, I'm done.

Anywho, so my 4 year old had the longest celebrations for his birthday this year, we went to Montana to see the hubs, and got presents and everything for him to open, then went swimming at the hotel we were staying at, and let him ride his new scooter most of the day. well we went home, and my wonderful sister was there to visit, and like the best aunt ever, that she just happens to be, she showed up w/a huge bouque of balloons, every 4 year old boys dream :) and a ton of clothes and new toys for him, while she was staying w/us we ended up getting cup cakes, and singing him Happy Birthday about 10 times, then when daddy came home, we ended up getting him a cake, and doing it all over again. So, now he's convinced that he gets lots of birthdays, cute and funny, all in all a fun and good birthday :) Well I have much more to write, but I suppose it will have to wait until later, as I must go and get my little sister to do her homework before 11:00 tonight, so.... until next time :)

The journey that is life....

Well the past week has held many changes for me, work has been basically nonexistant, so my husband has been trying to find work anywhere he can. Last weekend while he was doing a side job w/a friend, he was talking to the homeowner that they were laying sod for, and he mentioned that his nephew was doing concrete in Montana, and that he was going to be comming up to his house the next day, so my hubs went up and spoke to him the next day, and now he is about 4 hours away working in another state. So I am here staying at my parents house, since I have no phone and no car, and no husband around for two weeks at a time. He will be able to come home every other weekend for 3 days, and the job lasts for 3 months. It's pretty hard having him so far away, and the only way I can get ahold of him is through his now roomate that I've never even met. I guess he's super lonely, since all the guys he works with go to the bar every single night, and we can't talk to each other. So, I don't know, I've thought about going and camping out up there, to save money, since we still have our apt, and would have to give a 30 day notice before moving out, or something, just to help ease his loneliness. But I wonder if in reality it would really even be any better, I know he's having a hard time, and that I'm actually having a great time staying here at my parents, and getting so many opportunities to spend time w/some of my younger siblings that I've never really gotten to spend any time with since they were really little, and even then, when you're living at home, as a teenager, you don't want to spend time w/you little siblings, especially when they are 10-15 years younger than you are. So anyway, it's been really nice to get to know them now that they are all getting bigger. I love my family, and I guess no matter what the future holds, I will always be greatful for the time that I've been able to spend up here, and the relationships that I've been able to start building. I don't know when or if I will have an opportunity to write on here again for a while, but I guess time will tell, until then, I hope the future holds many wonderful things for anyone who happens to come accross this blog, and just remembering that life is what you make of it, no matter what is happening in your life, there is always something good to be thankful for, so long as you make the effort to look. :)

life

Today, as I was doing my morning workout, I realized that everytime I have written anything about my husband on this blog, it has been at a time, when I was upset, and frustrated by whatever happened to be going on at that particular moment, and that I haven't really had anything good to say about him, and so I felt the need to reevaluate some of my previous feelings, and find the words to say how I feel about him, when I'm not upset.

I was thinking particularly about my last entry, and how I said that I didn't have anything that was attractive about him, but that isn't entirely true. He is a good man, I've found (especially in the last few months) that whenever I am feeling like I'm falling, or hitting bottom, that it is in those times that he is so strong, and he is ALWAYS there to catch me, and help me back up on my feet. I see him, and the way that he is w/his brother/business partner, and that even though my bro-in-law, is about the most selfish man I think I've ever met, and that he almost never does anything unless it is going to benefit him, that the hubs is always watching out for him. Even when his bro has spent significantly more of the companies money, wheather it's on going to the bar, eating out, or just paying his baby sitter (reguardelss of them being 50/50 partners) that my hubs doesn't get upset, he just says something like "well, I guess he just needs more than we do" or whatever, it's been difficult for me to sit and see how much more that my hubs cares about his brother than I feel his bro does about him. I can't help but think of my older sister, and how she has always watched out for me, and tried to help and protect me from anything that she can, I ALWAYS know that she would do absolutely anything for me, and for my children, and I just wish that his big brother loved, and watched out for him that way. But what can you do right? I remeber my Grandmother telling me multiple times throughout my life growing up, that it didn't matter what they do, that your family is still your family, and that you HAVE to love them, just because they ARE FAMILY! I'm so extremely gratefull for my family, and for my wonderful husband, and even though he may not be that man that he has the potential to become, every min, that I'm not either. I know that we are both only human, but as we try to achieve our own unique potential, things DO get better, and better. I know that life hold so many wonderful experiences, for all of us, and that all we have to do is believe and that things will continue to get better. I look forward, with pleasure to our bright future, and I know that along this journey that is my life I will make a difference in people's lives, and hopefully it will be for the better. :)