friends....

Today, has been a good day. Even though it was rainy, and a bit cold, I still had a much better day today. I am so thankful that things are constantly getting better the more I focus on the good things in my life, they more good things seem to appear, and for this I am deeply greatful :)

I've been thinking lately of a friend of mine, who I have to wonder if I can actually call a friend. We have been "best friends" since we were little kids, and stayed in touch since high school, but in the past 2 years since we have lived in the same city, things have really chaged. She has had health problems since about our senior year of high school, when she was diagnosed w/thyroid cancer, and has gone though some tough times in reguards to her health, and as a result, we have really drifted apart. It seems like she only calls when she needs me, which is sparatic at best, but it seems that whenever she calls, I drop whatever I am doing, and rush to her side, to do anything I can. But there was one time in particular, when I had gone over to her house, because we were all supposed to hang out, I looked through the window on her door, and saw her sitting on the couch w/her laptop, so I went out and got my kids and husband out of the car. But when I went back to the door, her husband answered, and said that she was in bed sleeping. Now I KNOW that she has had him lie to me TONS of times other than that, because I've known her long enough to know when she lies to me, and that typically she'll just make her husband do it for her. I have never actually told her, but it has really effected the way I veiw our friendship. I have recently realized that I never feel good after talking to her, or hanging out w/her either. infact I can't really remember the last time I spoke to her and was happy after it was done. she has become so negative that I have a hard time not allowing it to effect me. And so I'm here today, just wondering what to do. I have cried too many times to count because she almost always flakes out on me, and is never there when I need her. sadly it has made my husband a bit negative toward her, cause it's always his shoulder that I'm crying on. So what now? I'm not sure where to go from here. do I just not call her back, tell her how I really feel, I just don't know.... I guess the answers shall come in time.....

But to end on a happy note, I've been able to talk to my sister more lately. she works 3 jobs, and babysits for people any chance she gets, so I typically don't get ahold of her often, but she is such a joy for me. somehow it doesn't seem to matter what we talk about, I ALWAYS feel so good after talking to her. I am greatful beyond words to have her in my life, and even at times that I don't get to talk to her as often, I know that she still thinks of me, and wants me there, as much as I want HER here! One day I hope to live close to her again. I miss her, and would love to see her EVERY DAY! It's amazing how much of a difference one good friend can have on your life. I am so thankful for the few friends I do have, and EACH one is an absolute JEM, that is priceless to me. thank you to those who care enough to be there, and help me get back up each time I fall. :)