issues :(

Ok, so I just need to vent.... ahh, I'm having some issues w/my husband. First off my 20 month old has had a rash for the past few days, and it seems like every time he's haging out w/his dad, daddy NEVER even thinks about checking his diaper, and what do you know, when I go out into the living room, he needs his diaper changed, and has poop in his diaper for who knows how long!! Seriously, how hard it is to just pay a little attention?!!?! He hasn't worked for about a week and a half again, (which is becomming all to normal) and I repeatedly have to ask him to help me around the house. Granted he did clean the entire kitchen, and do ALL the dishes last Friday, while the boys and I cleaned the living room, and their bedroom. But I just wish I didn't have to get so pissed off at him, and bitch constantly for him to do anything. I swear some days I just feel like it's the same old shit, over, and over, and over!!! Some days I just want to strangle him!!! Another thing, his brother, who I've never been particularly fond of, comes over pretty regularly. Which I dodn't particularly mind, but when he does, he typically brings over at least 2 of his kids, which I end up playing with (or at least monitoring, while they play w/the boys) and cleaning up after while him and Jer play video games, or do whatever. Most of the time it doesn't really bother me, his kids really need a good mother type role model in their lives, as their own mother is about the worst example ever. But ok, enough about that, anyway, so my sister, who lives about 8 hours away, and whom I only see a few times a year is comming up tomorrow (SUPER excited to have her come!) but I just found out that her hubby can't come w/her anymore, so now I'm getting all stressed out and pissed off, because every single time that she comes up alone, my hubby just plays video games, and gets all bithchy about everything, cause her and I tend to just go off, and do our own thing while she's here. Blah, I'm already starting to cry cause I'm so pissed off at him already, and nothing has even happened yet!!! I just wish he could be kind and understanding, and just let me have a break from the kids, and spend some time with my sister. Good lord, I just don't even know!!! blah, I hate these damn hormones!!! Ugh, well since I have nothing good to say at the moment, and my little guy jumped the gate, and is now getting into everything in my computer room I guess I'll stop my bitch fest for now.

doing good

well, I am pround to say that I've been doing really good at not drinking coffee, and I do feel better. Though I've noticed that I'm starting to get more exhausted every day, yesterday I slept in,(till almost 8) took a 2 hour nap, and actually slept well last night. Ahh, I'm not ready to need a nap everyday again. But I guess it's all just a means to an end, and the end result will be SOO worth it :) I can't wait to get my sweet little girl here, we still haven't even come close to picking out a name yet, but I'm sure the right name will come along :) If nothing else I guess we could always take a baby name book w/us to the hospital, and figure it out while I'm having her. haha

So far today has been a good day, The hubs didn't have to work today, so we got to sleep in again. I also put the boys to bed late last night, so they slept in too, hooray! Most of our snow has melted now, (unfortunately the parks are all REALLY wet still) but I'm sure another week or so of decent weather, and everything will dry up :) We went and looked at a bike for my 4 year old, and found one that we're going to get for him, yet another thing that I'm excited about. But my dilema is, do I get a stroller that I can put baby, and a 2 year old in, or will I just be wasting my money on a double stroller. I'm not sure he will sit in a stroller if his older brother is riding a bike. I have a tricycle, but I know a bike is going to be MUCH faster, so I'm just not sure how it'll work out w/the 2 boys. Oh well, guess it's not something I have to worry about just yet, so we'll just leave it to the future for now. Anyway, I have lots of stuff to accoplish today, so I guess I should get ready for the day while the hubs is off donating plasma :) ahhh, I'm SOOO happy it's spring! :) :)

snow :(

well we woke up this morning to a blanket of white :( Blah such a bummer when you only yearn for spring, but it's supposed to be in the 40's today, and all of next week. most of the snow we have has melted now, and I'm really thinking everything we got last night will be melted shortly. But it was still a bit of a dissapointement to see it this morning.

The boys and I actually got out a bit yesterday, and went for a nice walk, then played a bit in the wet, dirty snow. Ugh. But the boys loved it! I had figured that since we HAD gotten out, that they'd be more ready for bed last night, (the past few nights they've been going to bed a few hours later than normal) so I got them all ready, and laid down w/them around 7:45, they fell asleep about like normal, but then my 4 year old was up about 10 times. First I noticed him laying on the floor next to my bed, and took him back to his bed (his brother seems to sleep better when they're in there together). So just as I get into my own bed, and attempt to fall back to sleep, he wakes up again, and this time comes and lays next to me on my bed, falling asleep again in about 2 min, so I again take him to his bed. Well basically he woke up at least 2 times more, and by the time I was just about falling back to sleep, it was time to get up and get everything ready for the hubs to head off to work. AHHHH, at least I had 2 good nights sleep in a row before last night's episode, but I'm still a bit groggy.

Lately I've fallen into a bad habit of drinking coffee w/Jer in the mornings, (only one small- about 4oz- glass) typically I don't drink it while I'm prego. But he drinks it EVERY DAY, and it is SOOOO damn good. I even found an organic roast that we really like. But yeah, I've noticed that I've been letting myself get a bit dehydrated lately, and I'm sure that the coffee is contributing to that significantly, so I am going to get back into the habbit of just dumping out any coffee that he doesn't drink, and replacing mine w/water again. I'm also more determined than ever to stop eating, and buying so much damn junk food. Seems like I get so much crap, intending to have it as snacks for the kids, then I end up eating it all. :( I know I need to just buckle down, and get us ALL eating healthier, I guess I should just look online for more ideas to find things that aren't time consuming, and that the kids will like. It's just the actual DOING part that I haven't been all that great at lately. BUT, today is yet again a new day, and anything in the past can just be left to the past, as we press on to a happier, and healthier version of us! :)

Haha, whatcha gonna do :)

Well I've officially decided that having gained 13lbs isn't nearly as big of a deal as I felt it was yesterday. Amazing what a good night's sleep can do for you :) Since my grand total is about 16 lbs, it's really not such a big deal, and now that I've had a while to get over it, I decided that it is just a good reminder to get out and get more excercise. I'm so thankful it has been starting to warm up here at last. Still not much higher than low 40's but a TON of our snow has melted, and it actually rained here (yes RAIN, not snow, hooray!) 2 times yesterday :) So I'm determined to get out and go for walks again w/the boys, and I'm sure that it will make a huge difference on the amount of weight I gain thoughout the remainder of this pregnancy. At any rate, I can always just get a gym membership after I'm done being prego, and bust my butt back into shape. Hopefully at that point the hubs won't be leaving at 5 AM and I can go in the mornings. but if he does, I'm sure I'll figure out something :)

Ahh, it's a good day. My goal is to try and play with and appreciate my boys as much as I can today, and to GET OUT, even if we just make it around the apt complexes, we WILL get some excersize today! hooray for spring! :)

13 pounds?!?! WTF!!!

Ok, so I just got back from my 24 week check up, and I gained 13 pounds since last month!!!!! Holly shit, WTF?!!! So I've def had an appitite, (finally) the last month, but 13 pounds? that's more than 3 lbs a week!!! I'm still in such shock that I don't even know what to think. BLAH!! even before my appointment I had decided that it was def time for me to start working out, but yikes, I just didn't know how right I really was. It's bizzare, last night I had a dream that I went to my appt, and had gained 10 lbs, but seriously, I'm soo bummed and pissed off at myself for letting it be true :( Ugh. Oh well, guess i just need to move on, start exercising, and eat less junk food. AHHH, ok, well at the moment I don't really have much else to say, so I guess I'll just leave it at that. poo.

Life is good.

Well, I'm finding that I really enjoy my morning times after the hubs goes off to work. Usually I get my alone time at night, but lately it's all I can do just to stay awake while I get the boys to bed, then I'm awake every morning around 4:30 before the alarm goes off, and thinking "why the hell am I awake already?!" funny, somehow I'm not really tired, and even when I stay in bed I rarely sleep. I'm not sure if it's because of my thyroid getting where it should be, or what, but it's all good. :)

So this morning while I was surfing around, I came across some pics of my 4 year old's name sake, from years ago, and it really made me realize how lucky I am. Warner died when his little boy was 4 years old (can't believe it's been so long ago) and I think of my sweet boys, I can't imagine having to raise them without their daddy. Even though I didn't know Warner as well as I'd like to have known him, I know he was an incredible man, and a great dad. I hope his wife and son are doing well. We don't hear from, or see them hardly at all anymore, but my prayers and thoughts are with them.

Ahh ok, well I've got myself sobbing now, which is becomming all to familiar. haha, I swear I'm even more emotional w/this pregnancy (if that's even possible) than I was with any other. maybe it's cause I know I'm having a girl now. haha. Well I'm really thinking about a tiny little glass of coffee, and some breakfast, so I'm off ;) here's to another great day of being a mommy :)

It's a girl!!! YAY! :)

Well I found out last week that I am having a little girl!!!! YIPPY!! I am so excited I can hardly stand it. :) I've been watching my boys with a slightly different light lately, watching them wrestle, and horse around. boys haha. I love it, I can't help but think of my own brothers when I see them, and I know that they're going to be doing it for the rest of their lives. Brothers, ahh so fun. I'm so glad that they have each other. I almost feel guilty for feeling like my family is going to be done now. I think of the relationships that I have with my sisters, and I almost feel like I need to give that to my daughter as well, (which is funny, cause she's not even going to be born for like 4 1/2 more months) but I guess just having siblings is going to have to be good enough, and she'll always have cousins that are her age. Even though it's not quite the same, I guess it'll have to do :)

Ah, well anyway, I've started to explore the girls section of stores, and even though I feel a bit out of place (like someone is going to come and tell me I can't be there or something, cause I only have boys) haha, I'm sure I'll adapt. It's funny how you can get so used to something, (like only having blue around) pink just seems so foreign to me, but I'm so excited. Oh, and my husband finally has work again now too. It's been absolutely amazing to me how fast we've been able to get everything caught up, and at this rate, we may acutally be ahead by then end of the month!! HOORAY! I knew everything was going to work out. Sometimes I just have to sit back and marvel at the way things work out, all you have to do is believe, and somehow it just works! I'm so gratefull, it seems like it's been forever since things worked out this well. granted my hubby is working w/his brother again (def less than ideal) but it IS work, and his bro moved in just around the corner from us, so he picks him up every morning. I suppose I shouldn't complain, I know this is just a means to get us through to the next journey in our lives, and for that I am truly gratefull :)

Ah, another EXCELENT thing for this week, is that my 19 month old is finally sleeping through the night, and in his own bed (or more accurately in his brother's bed-at his brother's request-) but it is SOOO nice!!!! I didn't realize how good of a night's sleep I could get, even with getting up at 5AM every morning, I still feel great! :) Well I just realized that I'm starving, so I guess I'll go and get some breakfast. :)